his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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