did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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