be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
