it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
