Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
