I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
