Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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