What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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