i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site