that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.