No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
