Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer