Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.

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  (773): I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you. http://tfl.nu/kzww
  Replies (25) Good night (1169) Bad night (3076)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.

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  (828): Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end. http://tfl.nu/rcny
  Replies (27) Good night (2696) Bad night (5170)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana

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  (780): He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana http://tfl.nu/rg2f
  Replies (17) Good night (5786) Bad night (1105)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.

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  (603): I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me. http://tfl.nu/xhqm
  Replies (24) Good night (1883) Bad night (3615)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.

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  (708): so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me. http://tfl.nu/mwnt
  Replies (58) Good night (14640) Bad night (1473)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction

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  (479): I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction http://tfl.nu/gbpq
  Replies (18) Good night (933) Bad night (3326)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.

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  (440): I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan. http://tfl.nu/ypf4
  Replies (9) Good night (2160) Bad night (1019)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  You're welcome.

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  (541): Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes. (1-541): You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/axhz
  Replies (6) Good night (2324) Bad night (643)
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  (707): View more from California

  Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick

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  (707): Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick http://tfl.nu/qfj7
  Replies (3) Good night (1707) Bad night (672)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.

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  (205): No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s. http://tfl.nu/msmd
  Replies (2) Good night (1443) Bad night (661)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.

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  (+61): The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over. http://tfl.nu/0wud
  Replies (5) Good night (1173) Bad night (485)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway

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  (317): My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway http://tfl.nu/1ukz
  Replies (11) Good night (690) Bad night (875)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  How did work go after you told them you were in jail?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Great they tried to bail me out.

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  (720): How did work go after you told them you were in jail? (402): Great they tried to bail me out. http://tfl.nu/vh27
  Replies (2) Good night (996) Bad night (305)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth

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  (732): Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth http://tfl.nu/jmpm
  Replies (0) Good night (485) Bad night (297)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.

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  (303): I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room. http://tfl.nu/4ego
  Replies (3) Good night (734) Bad night (285)

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