Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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