four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Still dying that you shit outside
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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