That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
