I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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