when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
