Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
