Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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