the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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