at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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