I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
