You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
