we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
