I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
