i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
