just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
