I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
