Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
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two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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