I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
