Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
