why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
