I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
