ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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