Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
