If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
