how can u be prego again
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
