i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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