SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm always down for nudity.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
