i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
