you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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