nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
