Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
