don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
