i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
