Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
