At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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