just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
