So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
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Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
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Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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