k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize