she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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