I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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