they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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