there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
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Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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