I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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