Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
