What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
