About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
