i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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