If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize