I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
