Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
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She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
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I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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